Suffering in a state of mental fatigue, on many occasions I put up a fight, only to realize the futility of trying to rectify with the past. I attempted to seek compromise with a fate that had been sealed.  I was forced to face feelings of guilt and remorse. Wrestling with the misery and despair of loss, I found my reality spiraling out of control. I felt helpless and vulnerable within this stage of grief. I began questioning the wisdom of higher authorities and spiritual powers. In this period I remember asking God on many occasions to take my life. I didn’t want to live with the pain anymore. Then, one night, under the influence, I met God in what felt like a rollercoaster of emotions. I looked at this indescribable being dead in the eye, and in that instant I began pleading for my life. God made me realize that my life mattered, especially to those who still loved me unconditionally. An image then appeared to me. It was Gauguin’s “Vision of the Sermon (Jacob Wrestling with the Angel).” I remember waking up the next morning renewed and eager to move on with my life. The design on the canvas is an open composition filled with warm and cool colors, as well as spontaneous glimmers of bronze, angular brushstrokes overlap in various directions.  

Musical Pairings via “The Five Stages of Grief” Playlist on Spotify:

•     “From a Whisper to a Scream” by Esther Phillips

•      “Hands Up Baby” by Camera Obscura

•      “From the Inside” by Linkin Park

•      “Burial” by Mica Levi

•      “Dazed and Confused” by Led Zeppelin

•      “Ando Meio Desligado” by Os Mutantes